Escape. It might sound silly as a loser who loves to run away from their problems instead of solving them directly. But it depends on what kind difficulties we are facing with. And now I realise, escaping doesn’t always mean bad. It’s also kinda problem solving.
Last month, I was sitting on my couch watching the rain pouring on my garden. It’s totally wet. And this month I’ve been sitting on my chair watching snow falling from the sky. It’s wet as well. The big difference between the two is temperature.
Coming from a tropical land to a four-season land, in winter is totally wrong. My body’s forced to adapt fast. By minus grad Celsius (as I live now in Bayern, Germany) I’m freeze and still got jetlag. In my homeland I need ca. Six/seven hours to sleep, this habit makes me always awake at four here, meanwhile Fajr (prayer time) is at six and my neighbours usually get up at 7:00 AM.
Dry skin (even applying crème), thick clothes, Müsli, quiet neighborhood, no shops open on Sunday, no more vegetables available at the garden, no people chit chat on the street, no more sudden visit or gatherings, Sinovac isn’t acceptable here (hm, feel so discriminated, tho), etc. So, this is how my journey began.
I don’t tell people about this journey yet, but my family and a few of friends. There are still lotsa things I need to do as a newbie here and I just don’t think telling them is a must. Maybe next time. At the moment I feel so refreshed (with ‘lil of stressful off.😄) to start all over again.
RESET.
I’m in my 30’s and just started all over again? People may call me crazy, indeed I am. Some got life crisis at younger age, a few of them need to overcome it at the older age. And it happens to me.
My life was always colourful as I tried to do my best. But as a human being, esp. in Southeast Asia, we can’t live as we want. No matter how good our plan is, there are external things that often ruin it all. I already fought well; I won many times but I failed too. So, it’s a life. I know God let me fight harder and harder. And this is me now, with the craziest thing I choose in my life.
I resigned from my previous lovable job at a small university, due to the messy management and its stakeholder. I love lecturing and learning more, the students and some of colleagues, but when its system kills the vision and mission even against the rules of high schools, I am not able to continue working in that kinda place.
What I hated the most was, no one dare to speak up, but me. Thus, it was a big war between me vs whole top management. But tbh, I was so proud of myself those days. I already did my best for the students and Univ.
To celebrate my survival life for coming out of my toxic workplace, I planned to go to a holly place. But, hey… I’m not that rich unless I sell my kidney😊
Then I worked as an adjunct lecturer at another small uni in another city, but it didn’t end up well, too. Again, the top management was ridiculous.
Leaving my students and colleagues was the only choice. Funnily, at the end, they offered me to join back.
Pandemic makes everything worse, true. But it isn’t the only problem. To be idealist here in my hometown is just useless and tiring. Well, I was at a small Uni, it might be different compared to the good ones. I love teaching and all its components. I just wanna take a small part to enlighten the youngsters. But the world seems disagree😆.
I tried to apply scholarship, I failed. Then I tried again, but the external party ruined it. Had my IELTS score, but need a bit more to apply for study in the UK, 🤣 need to take another test, but it costs much. People around me force me to tie a knot soon, as well. Yeah, as an Asian, I’m so tired of this topic😜. And so on…
Therefore, I need time to think more about… need to refresh my mind… need to learn something new… and learn to be proud of myself… I just need to reset my life.
This is why I decided to do a wild thing this year. Voluntary Service!!! Things that I often do in my homeland but I need to learn more and to challenge myself by doing this program in a Non-profit Organisation in Germany. I hope everything goes well. Aamiin YRA.
Call me Alive 